Acting Stupid
From my many human watching experiences and research, I have become sort of the master analysis in my own mind.
I have found that in a lot of cases - not all - women "act stupid” in order to "keep a man."
The first time I observed this was the case of my father and his ex-girlfriend.
She played this "I'm going to play like I'm incapable of doing anything for myself," but whenever we were away from my father she would get on me real hard about using my head before a man found other uses for it.
She was not a stupid woman for long and eventually decided to smarten up especially when my father took just too much pleasure in her "so called stupidity" and decided to dip somewhere else.
She didn't like that and quickly showed her brains.
He didn't like that at all.
The next cases were several. As I went to school, there were older women around and most times when I met them I found them to be highly educated women, but as soon as their husbands came around, I swear you'd think they were Marilyn Monroe's with less than half of the brains that she pretended to have.
But their husbands would worship the ground they walked on and give them anything they desired.
One woman told me after I questioned her that it was nothing wrong with making her husband feel like he’s a superhero and that he loves to save someone everyday. She felt why not let it be here. Every once in a while they (the women would reveal that they had some sense, but they never revealed the entire truth about themselves.
My third occasion I saw was my cousin and her bumbling husband. Now when you first look at him you would think that he looked like a well-educated man and she was a very educated female. But actually he was about the goofiest thing since Goofy and I do believe he fell from the same tree as the animated character.
My cousin was this bright woman but she was one of the best actresses I've ever seen. If there was anything heavier than a pencil my cousin always pretended she couldn’t do it. I would have awarded her an Oscar when she use to come over and my father ordered her to put up the groceries and she almost passed out trying to put the milk on the top- shelf of the refrigerator.
So when they married I was a stander by wondering how was a smart faker like her going to keep a bumbling dork like him. But they are celebrating their fifteenth anniversary and they haven't changed one bit; yet as I watched them I see that her "stupidity" actually benefits him and then in turn he benefits her. She makes him feel like he's important to her and she has always loved getting out of not doing any work.
She’s that type of person, but I know I’m not. I know that if I cant be myself at all times then I can't be around a person for long.
I want to find a man that stimulates me mentally and actually doesn't need a mother because my permit only is good for three children and I’m not trying to expand on that.
So does a woman have to pretend to be stupid in order to keep a man? And should I be upset at these women who have carried out this facade and allowed men to think that we're stupid creatures. OR maybe these men have actually found out that these women are carrying on this facade and decided to just let them do this just because it does make them feel good.
I don't want to cave in but this looks like on of the keys to getting a man. But I guess I’m too stubborn or maybe I'm not desperate enough to want a man in my life by hiding my intelligence.
I don't dislike the women who do this especially the ones that give me that I know I'm acting stupid wink when their man is not looking.
But I also know I’m high intelligent. My best friend since high school tells some I’m too intelligent for my own good and its hard to pretend I don’t know how to do things or I don't know how to get what I want on my own without a big strong man around.
Gawd, I’m gagging.
I think there should be other ways to make a man feel like a king instead of looking helpless all the durn time or looking like I don’t have one bit of sense.
I don't want to. I want to be myself and I don't want to hid my IQ in order to have a good man on my arm.
Just another rant on how to love a black woman.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sylviahubbard
3 comments:
Sylvia I love your post on How to love a black woman and am so happy that we swapped blogs today
To comment on what you said about acting helpless, I can't keep up the front every day but after seventeen years what I like to call "Dramatically showing my man that I need him," is called Marriage LOL
Men need their ego's stroked on a daily basis. But you have to let them know that what you are doing is for their benefit because you love them, not because you have to. You got to show them that you are strong too.
It is said that black women can't find a man because they are too strong and independent. I have heard men say that they date other races because the women are easier to get along with, let them get away with anything including murder, and really depends on them and let the men know it. For me, I can't play that dumb role, but I can make a man believe he needs me while letting him know that I need him.
I am not always aware that I'm intentionally "playing dumb" to please my husband. However, I suppose there are times when he takes pleasure in knowing that I need him, and that his abilities are sharper in some areas. I suppose we, as black women, are use to having to assert ourselves in order to survive comfortably. So, we often automatically show our intelligence and abilities. We want that respect that was denied to us in times past. It is interesting that this behavior, which could be a current survival mechicanism, is backfiring on some us in some cases.
Angeline Bandon-Bibum
http://sojournersdreamanovel.blogspot.com/
http://angelinebandonbibum.blogspot.com/
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